Thursday, May 20, 2021

I Am Not Okay Today

 You were going to be treated to a fun, educational post about helping preschoolers learn their letters, but my mind is elsewhere today. The state of life today is affecting me greatly. I've spent the last year keeping my business afloat, making sure my house, the location of my business, were safe for all who entered, thinking of my children's health and safety, and my husband's job. There were times I thought plenty about myself as well, I'm not completely unselfish. But overall, I've had three goals at the top of every day

  1.  Keep my kids healthy and safe.
  2.  Keep Covid out of daycare/from spreading/from extended closures.
  3. Keep my husband working. ** He is considered an essential employee and must be at work. There is no work-at-home option for him. With my income loss in the last year, his job was essential to our family's lifestyle. Yes, he's been vaccinated, so the "rules" are a bit more lenient. Let's be real for a moment though. If he gets Covid (because just as with any vaccine, there are still small chances you can contract the virus), he has to miss work. We've taken the necessary steps to keep him healthy.

Today, I feel slapped in the face. Today I feel that every protection we have taken is gone and that our family, once again, must make sacrifices for others. This was done at 12:30 a.m. in the dark of the night, giving no one time to prepare or properly process:

You may be asking why I feel this way. My kids are homeschooled and I can still require masks to anyone who enters my home/daycare (private business; as far as I know, this new law doesn't affect my business, but that could change, which is a good part of why I feel the way I do). Well, you see, in two weeks, two weeks exactly, I will open my home to all of the kids who are no longer required to wear masks in their schools. I've worked with kids long enough to know that they're all coming from different cess pools. There's a MUCH greater chance of them bringing some of those germs with them to my home (unknowingly or knowingly, but does that really matter?). The three things I've fought so hard for that last year will be compromised. My livelihood is now compromised.

Kids are unvaccinated from Covid. They can spread it, they can get it. They can force 14 day closures upon my business that I DON'T GET PAID FOR. Imagine, if all 15 kids on my daycare roster were to get Covid and I had to close each and every time. I wouldn't be able to open my business all summer long! Masks are one way I can protect my business, my family, not to mention the very kids in my care AND their families. I run my business on good faith and what I would want in a daycare. Can I no longer run my business off the morals and ethics I have the last ten years? Worst off, there's a greater chance of passing it to my husband who would have to miss work. He would either have to use PTO or go unpaid. That vacation you're thinking of taking? My husband may not have that option for an entire year because of my business. I don't even want to think about if we BOTH have to take time off unpaid for an extended period of time.

This announcement just does me in. I'm not a pessimist by any means, but when I see local rights being taken away, I fear my rights as a business owner may be threatened. My own policies may not means anything. Those same policies that are in place to protect my own family and my daycare families. I spent a ridiculous amount of time making decisions and guidelines for my business that this needs more processing time. I feel like that time is coming (too soon) where I'll have to choose between a business I've spent ten years growing, a business that has shaped who I am and brought invaluable people into our lives and the well being of our family. To be completely truthful, this is where I'm at after a year of dealing with guidelines and bull shit.

When we sit in our hotel room this weekend, we'll be having the hard discussions about family, life, money, jobs, marriage, and goals. I wanted nothing more than a carefree weekend visiting one of my best friends and finally meeting her baby. Instead, Iowa is handing me a basket of crap to contemplate.