Thursday, April 15, 2021

What Shall I Write?


Pictured: sleeping child; oblivious to my loud typing and the music playing in the background.

That's the question at the moment.

I'm not really sure what to write this evening....which has now become morning. I sat at an empty computer screen most of the night. I had a lot of thoughts, but nothing that could get past two sentences. Whenever I'm at a writing impasse, I tend to website hop. My dog's birthday presents are now on their way and I wrote next week's lesson plans/curriculum for the minis. Finishing up the regular curriculum and doing my own is next level. It takes even more planning and researching on my part. I totally had to relearn the capitals of the Canadian provinces, which just got me wanting to travel. Then I wound up on Airbnb looking at cabins all around the world. Which then got me looking at airline prices or how long it would take to drive to Alaska. Not being able to think of something to write is exhausting.

Sometimes the words flow easily and the topics come off the top of my head. I'll sit down to write and five minutes later I've got 1,000+ words on a random topic. Or there's evenings and mornings such as this. I can't think of a viable topic so I just write. Something, anything, and nothing all at once. That's kind of how my week has been.

I'm doing a lot and nothing at the same time. I've woken up exhausted yet couldn't fall asleep the night before. I got the okay to begin planning (outdoor) events again and yet I can't make it too big. How does one who likes to go big or go home do such a thing? I also failed to call a friend back (yet again). I remember I need to well after my kids are in bed and just as I'm falling asleep at night. She's in bed too, so I don't dare disrupt the precious sleep. I'll likely remember again at an inopportune time for both of us. This is why being a mom and having friends is one of the hardest things in the world.

What should I watch while I write? I can't write in silence. I usually have music playing, a movie or television show on, and maybe a podcast or some other type of video. It's funny that I'm most creative in the dead of night, when the world is at its quietest. That reminds me I need to order new ear buds. Those come in handy as the only sound that can be heard at this hour is the humming of my laptop and the taps of the keys. 

I avoid checking news sources. It's all too much. How do you explain to your children how little progress this world has truly made? Make all the memes you want, but does that truly show who someone truly is? Actions speak much louder than words. Hashtags only go so far. Wearing a shirt with different colors of hands all over only goes so far. Are there others truly trying to make a difference and not simply standing for justice with memes, reshares, and hashtags? I feel so very alone in my desires to make this life better, but without posting all over social media about it. Or do all of those reshares and opinions on social networks truly raise awareness and change minds? I think not, but I am always willing to listen on the subject.

Am I an influencer? I'm answering an email. But I do give others ideas and share my opinions, so maybe? But I refuse to be one of those influencers. I doubt I need to tell you the type. 

Well, now I have officially written nothing and everything. Every single thought that has been in my head in the last five minutes. My eyes are drowsy, my brain a jumble...although that's how I usually find it. Did I mention my dog's eye goobers? Those are gross. That's probably my least favorite part of dog ownership. My least favorite part of writing is not thinking of anything to write. Then you get a whole lot of this.