Photo taken last year at Max's back to school night. I find this picture of Elizabeth opening Max's locker and entering since she will be entering preschool in just a few weeks.
I'll never forget my first grade teacher. I loved her. I clearly remember at the end of the school year she cried and gave us each a hug, yet I overheard her tell parents she was happy for summer vacation and to have a break. I didn't understand. How can someone feel these emotions at once and in regards to someone else's children? I still didn't quite understand this even when I had experienced feelings of sadness and happiness over events in my life. That is until a few weeks ago.
This summer, much like previous summers, I had older kids in my daycare who will be going back to school in just two short weeks. These are all kids whom I've known for years at this point. This means that I have the biggest kid turnover that I've ever had as a daycare provider. I'm blessed to have had the kids I do have for years and even more blessed to have them back when school is out. Last summer I was sad when summer was over, cried a few tears, but it wasn't bad. This year is a different story.
The oldest kids are now at an age where they still want to go back to school, yet realize that while they're in school they'll be missing out on the things we do at daycare.
I sat around one recent afternoon discussing the last few weeks of summer with the big kids while they perfected their Disney princess drawing skills. Before I knew what was happening, the kids were crying all around me as they realized they wouldn't be here for the daycare Halloween party, our fall nature walk, cookie decorating, and more. It felt like a ton of bricks hit me. They'll miss me/daycare just as much as I'll miss them. All of my silly, crazy, messy ideas really DO have an impact on the kids. As with a lot of things with kids, it's often hard to tell what sticks and what doesn't, but to know that the things I do with them are things that they love and remember. I felt like a million bucks at that moment and just as sad as they were that they wouldn't be here for those activities.
My next thoughts fluttered to the fact that we're wrapping up another amazing summer. The next time I have all of these kids together again, they'll be another year older. Will they still be best buddies like they are now? Will they be bored the older they get when they come back to daycare? I only have two weeks left to hear their laughter, their arguing, their ideas. Only two more weeks of pictures being drawn for me, hugs all day long, and knowing that even at 7 years old, the oldest kids still enjoy playing with Play Doh alongside the two year old.
In that moment I was happy, grateful, and sad. Suddenly I knew exactly what my first grade teacher had experienced all those years ago. It's unlike any other moment or feelings I've experienced in my life. Unless you've cared for, loved, and brought other people's children into your home and treated them like one of your own, I doubt I can do any justice to describing my feelings. To simply put things: I'm grateful for the time I've had with them and the times I will have, I'm happy to see my kids forge friendships and bonds unlike anything I could have imagined, I'm sad to see an end to this summer and to say goodbye to the kids....but I'm not going to pretend I'm not looking forward to a less busy fall.