Saturday, January 11, 2020

A Short Story About Life Lately

I haven't written a good parenting story in a while. One that highlights the craziness of parenthood, the insaneness of our house, and the shit that kids do. I have MANY of those moments. We've gone from the funny, holy shit the kids are intent on killing themselves of toddlerhood to holy shit they need to get their head on straight so they can be functioning members of society sooner rather than later. Some days I feel pretty good about the direction we're headed in. Other times I'm convinced we're failing miserably.

Anyways, I digress. Lately we've had a lot of the 'aren't kids just great?' moments. One being during Christmas break. For Gift Card Day, Elizabeth chose a doll head that you can style her hair and put make up on her. The make up the doll head came with was a pretty silver sparkly mixture that she used up right away. 
Picture of wonderful doll head.

The next moment involved a frenzy of purple nail polish all over our downstairs bathroom.

After she used up the sparkly mixture she excused herself to the bathroom and closed the door. I didn't think much of it and I definitely didn't notice she carried the empty container in with her. I assumed, as any mother would, that she was pooping. 

It wasn't until she opened the bathroom door and made a beeline for the daycare room with a bottle of hand sanitizer in her hand that I knew something was up. As I walked towards the bathroom, I was hit with the smell....the smell of nail polish and chemicals. I looked at my sink and noticed bright purple splashed ALL over it.

I calmly walked into the daycare room and asked for an explanation as to why it looked like a bottle of nail polish exploded all over the bathroom. And, because I'm a mom, did she actually poop or was that a cover story?

Elizabeth's response: "I was just trying to make my own face paint mom. I really like the color of your purple nail polish so I used that and the hand sanitizer will help it wash off everything I put it on." It should be noted that she pronounces hand sanitzer "hand santa-tizer." Luckily I caught her before she put it "on everything." It also needs to be noted that I did not lose it with her. I actually found the entire thing funny. I mean, she truly believed she was making her own paint and that I wouldn't notice all of the purple nail polish she spilled.

What I was not impressed with was the nail polish all over my bathroom sink (followed by the daycare room table when she decided to use it as paint after I destroyed her dreams by telling her she couldn't put it on anything but paper). However, this story completely depics our life these days. I no longer have to tell my children not to swing from our curtains because they're not Tarzan (although, I wouldn't be completely surprised if I did), the complexity of our daily situations have gotten bigger as the minis have, we still can't have nice things, and I choose to laugh rather than get mad about A LOT of things, otherwise I would lose my damn mind.

Also, pooping was a cover story. Because we've also hit the sneakiness, know-it-all phases. One thing that hasn't changed with parenting in all these years: it is still as unpredictable as it was when they were toddlers.