Wednesday, December 6, 2017

How Problem Solving Works If You're A Kid - In 6 Steps

I have school age children who are still working on their problem solving skills with each other. After a day spent with toddlers and an afternoon/evening with my three, I have to wonder, when in the hell do kid's problem solving skills develop?? Pre-kids I would have thought that school agers would problem solve with sensibility. Turns out I was wrong. Sometimes there's not much difference between a toddler tantrum and a school age freak out over something ridiculous (today's was one child pressed the wrong button on the Blu-ray player and the other lost it on him, which resulted in child number one chucking the disc across the room). Here's how (or so it seems) kids go about problem solving....and if you have a child who can solve problems without a single break down, just don't even read it. I kinda don't want to hear from you right now.

How To Solve A Problem (If You're A Kid):

1.) Identify the problem (ie: someone, somewhere in the world moved wrong/told you something you didn't like/did something/looked at you in a way you didn't like/took a toy away/said you were wrong/is using the red cup when you wanted it/is playing with the toy you wanted to play with).

2.) Screech, scream, and howl as loudly as possibly. If no one seems to be paying attention, do it louder and add flailing into the mix.

3.) If flailing and screeching aren't working, obviously throw yourself on the floor as hard as possible. If someone doesn't think you harmed yourself, you didn't do it hard enough. Stage a repeat. Also be sure to keep up with the screaming. It totally helps.

4.) Throw things. Anything. Whatever is closest to you (if you're my child, a DVD disc aimed at your brother's head does the trick).

5.) Calm down just enough to tell someone what the problem is.....but keep up with whimpering just to show you can go back to screaming and flailing at any moment.

6.) Once they're interested enough to help, stop being upset. Just stop. Immediately. Act like whoever came to your rescue is insane by offering a calm and simple solution. Promptly walk away and give them a glare. They must learn their sensibility has no room in your life. Assholes.