Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Mom Minutes

I have a gift. It's the gift of time. My own time actually. So, more than a gift I created a new time. It's called Mom Minutes. Now, Mom Minutes are very special in the fact that they don't actually require the ability to tell time. They don't go by a clock or require a person to constantly look at their phone for the time. No, Mom Minutes is more like guessing. It goes by what feels right.

You see, when I had children, time changed. It moved faster in all the times I wanted it to slow down and moved slower when I wanted it to move faster. Much like many aspects of parenthood, it's frustrating. When my third child was born I unwittingly created Mom Minutes (my husband actually calls them Special Ash Minutes....and he's not meaning it as a compliment). Mom Minutes work unlike any other time out there.

Five minutes can be thirty minutes....or thirty seconds. Thirty minutes can be twelve minutes. Saying "bedtime is in a half hour!" could mean bedtime is actually in .2 seconds (especially after a crazy day) or when I'm involved with something, bedtime could be in an hour. Mom Minutes can give you more time if you're in the middle of The Bachelor and don't want to stop watching. It can also speed way up when the whining has gotten to be too much. Also, Mom Minutes completely work in Mom's favor.

While that's a huge selling point, the biggest selling point is no one argues with Mom Minutes! Even when the kids are old enough to look at a clock and plainly see that only two minutes has gone by after the "ten minutes until clean up!" call, no one says a thing. Maybe they haven't caught on to Mom Minutes yet? Or maybe they just know not to call Mom out on it? Either way, Mom Minutes are magic. Pure magic. 

"Two minutes until bedtime!" said as I'm already pouring myself that refreshing glass of wine. I really wish everything else in life worked like my Mom Minutes....and I really hope the kids don't catch on!