Thursday, April 6, 2017

The Question That Parents Dread: How Do Babies Get In Mom's Tummies?

Actually, I don't dread the question, or at least I didn't. I had planned on having a big discussion with the oldest mini this summer (before fourth grade) so I could get all of the facts in there before the big sex talk at school. I have a book picked out and ready to buy on Amazon to help with the discussion. I knew as soon as I had the discussion with the oldest, every sibling, daycare friend, school friend, and probably a cousin or two would hear about it. However I got that question a bit sooner than I was prepped for....and it didn't come from the oldest mini (who apparently already knows a good few bits and pieces....and knows how those bits and pieces work), it came from my ever curious middle mini. 

As I was on the toilet.

The discussion started at dinner with the subject of babies. Hubs and I kept our mouths shut as they spoke about babies and giving birth. They were correct in their terms they used and how everything happened. We don't shy away from those conversations. Knowledge is power, even when it comes to "the talk." Anyways, we finished up dinner and were getting ready for the oldest's music concert at school. I sat down on the toilet and in barged the middle and youngest mini for their tooth brushes.

But they didn't grab them.

Middle Mini: "Mom, how do babies get in the mom's tummies?"
Me (hoping to make this a quick convo since we had somewhere to be): "They're put there."
MM: "By who?"
Me: "By dad's."
MM: "How? Like with his fingers or hand?"
Me (trying not to unleash the inner middle schooler and burst into laughter): "No with his penis."
Oldest Mini: "It takes a penis to go in the vagina. Then you get a baby."
MM: " does a baby come out of a penis? The penis doesn't grow into a baby. The penis has to do something...."
As he's asking this I was attempting to discreetly wipe with three kids in the bathroom. I paused to flush, button my jeans, and wash my hands before I tackled that doozy. I feared we wouldn't make it to the music concert at all with this line of questioning. Before I could answer, the Middle Mini took the answer into his own hands...
MM: "Dad's PEE in the mom's don't they!??!! That's so gross! There's just pee in the vagina and then a baby comes! Oh gross!" 
He walks out of the bathroom still talking about this. Before I can correct him, the youngest mini gets right in my face and asks (completely straight faced):
"Can mom's get pregnant if a dad pees in her butt hole?"
"No," I replied before I hurried myself away to my bedroom to absolutely lose it. I had to muffle my laughter with my pillow.

Who are my children? I was horrified and completely entertained at their line of thinking and impressed by their in-depth questioning at the same time. I collected myself and threw myself back into the chaos. I was planning on correcting them on their line of thinking, but I was too late.

"It's time to go or we'll be late for the concert!" announced Hubs as he got his coat on and all talk of making babies stopped (also, please notice my Husband's lack of comments on this subject with the kids....chicken). I missed my chance. My three minis now think that a dad has to pee in the mom and then they "get a baby." [face palm]

I do plan on sitting them down (especially now!) for the big reveal soon....but I'm definitely buying that book first!