Thursday, August 23, 2018

13 WTF Moments From Spending The Summer With My Kids

I just finished up another crazy summer with a great group of fun, crazy kids. To say they keep things interesting is an understatement! As these group of kids grow, I learn more and more about kids. For example, I didn't think I'd have to take "little Lego's" away from 7-10 year olds for biting on them. Turns out I do/did. There was never a moment I wasn't surprised by the things I had to say, but there were some moments from the summer that will forever stick in my mind.

Here's 13 moments I'll always remember (plus two bonus):

1.) I heard this being "whispered": "Don't tell her it's thundering and lightning out so we don't have to go inside." Because I can't hear the thunder or see the lightning that lit up the entire house. I've never face palmed myself more than I did in that moment.

2.) When the 10 YEAR OLD choked on a Lego. Because it was in his mouth. Again, the 10 YEAR OLD.

3.) It was discovered the bug the kids caught was a tick. They built a house for it and were playing with it. Thirty minutes after explaining the dangers and diseases ticks can carry.

4.) The day I discovered, in the middle of the summer, that my daughter had been peeing in the backyard. In front of everyone. All summer long. Read that gem here.

5.) They took empty paint bottles from painting and put them in the little pool so they could "swim in paint."

6.) I found a shelf chopped in two. I made the comment that it looked like someone karate chopped it. Elizabeth responded, "is that when someone says 'heeee-yah! And chops it with the side of their hand?"
Me: "Yes...."
Elizabeth (thinking for a moment): "That could be what happened then."
I still don't know details, but no parent came to tell me that their child broke their hand, so we'll call this one good.

7.) They ate slime that had fallen in the dirt. Slime, made with glue and dirt.

8.) We STILL can't have hula hoops or jump ropes because they're used as weapons. Maybe next summer??? (which has been my motto for five years now....)

9.) I had to explain what being homeless means. It was a "fun" conversation I care not to repeat anytime soon.

10.) Grade school kids to a 4 year old: "you HAVE to learn how to play black jack. It's a life skill. We'll teach it to you today." And they did.

11.) Grade school kids about every single thing that's actually non-edible: "can we eat it?" Isn't that phase supposed to disappear after toddlerhood??

12.) "Can the cicada come inside too?" the kids asked, as they attempt to carry a LIVE CICADA to the table for lunch.

13.) "Maybe we can go to Las Vegas in Nevada for a daycare field trip one day?" This is after we had completed learning about the 50 states, including where each state is on the map. So it didn't sink in for quite everyone.


Hand, foot, and mouth made its rounds this summer. I had told all of the parents, told my kids to tell me if they weren't feeling well, etc. Cut to lunch one day. The kids are eating pasta and sharing bites of their concoctions (it was a pasta bar day). The middle mini (MM) says in the middle of lunch (and sharing germs): "gosh, this sauce is really hurting the spots in my mouth."
Me: "Um, what?"
MM: "The spots in my mouth. See them right here? They're all over my mouth."
Cue face palms and trying not to let curse words slip as I question the middle one about how long his spots have been there. Kids for sure keep life interesting.

A child's face cracked the cube climber slide. A child's face. There were no bruises, no sign that it actually happened that way other than a dozen set of eyes and the slide that could no longer be used. That was special.