Thursday, March 1, 2018

This Is What 10 Years of Marriage Is Like

We made it ten years. I have been married for ten years yesterday? My wonderful husband chose February 29 to get married so we don't actually have a wedding anniversary this year. But if we did, it's TEN YEARS. We're not celebrating with a fancy meal or taking the honeymoon we have yet to take. No, instead we're going the typical Thursday night route: take out from a small local restaurant and a movie that will take us at least thirty minutes to agree on. Then I'll continue typing wildly while he pays attention to the movie and asks me every few seconds, "did you see that?" or "did you hear what he just said? That'll probably be important later on."

I've been asked numerous times in the weeks leading up to this monumental anniversary, "so, what are you guys doing for your anniversary?" When I reply with my usual, "nothing much," there's a look of let down in whomever I'm speaking to. But the truth is, I like that nothing much. I like the simplicity in our every day. I like that neither one of us are morning people, so we rarely speak more than a few words to each other each morning. I like that our night's are (usually) predictable: dinner, showers for the kids, talking with the kids about our days, bedtimes, playing rock paper scissors to see who gets to clean the floors, Netflix (or Hulu), sharing our vastly different working days, me typing on my keyboard as he turns up the volume on the TV to drown the noise out.

These are the things that make 10 years possible. These simple, little, mundane tasks and things we do. These silly things that we still enjoy together. 10 years of marriage isn't glamorous. 10 years of marriage is messy, chaotic, and for us, entertaining. It means knowing the other person and giving them what they need. Sometimes that's space (we both like our space), sometimes that's spending all of our time together, sometimes it's pushing the other, sometimes it's letting them be.

We've decided to forgo a chance at a honeymoon and are instead taking the minis on our planned trip to Florida. And after ten years, I'm more than okay with this. I can't say that I love my husband more than the day I married him because after ten years of marriage, three kids, two felines, multiple moves, a house purchase, vehicles purchased, high highs and low lows that love is different. I love him differently than I did that day. The love is deeper and more understanding that it was that beautiful February day. It's connected and grown in ways we couldn't imagine then.  It's learning how to manage growing as individuals and growing together.

Maybe when and if we get to 20 years, life will look differently. I'd honestly be surprised if it didn't. But for now, I'm good with 10 years looking like this:

We celebrated earlier in the week with "fancy" take out from Malo, while we sat in sweatshirts and drank a beer with our meal. Typical Monday night quite honestly.

 Champagne cake from my parents.

Anniversary dinner: Jimmy John's. Backstory: this was the meal we ate right before our wedding. My husband picked February 29 as our wedding date, which just happened to be a Friday. We were busy all day doing the day of stuff and failed to eat. On the way to our wedding site we stopped by JJ's for sandwiches. Every year around our anniversary we do a JJ's run.