I Am Not Okay Today

 You were going to be treated to a fun, educational post about helping preschoolers learn their letters, but my mind is elsewhere today. The state of life today is affecting me greatly. I've spent the last year keeping my business afloat, making sure my house, the location of my business, were safe for all who entered, thinking of my children's health and safety, and my husband's job. There were times I thought plenty about myself as well, I'm not completely unselfish. But overall, I've had three goals at the top of every day

1.  Keep my kids healthy and safe.
2.  Keep Covid out of daycare/from spreading/from extended closures.
3. Keep my husband working. ** He is considered an essential employee and must be at work. There is no work-at-home option for him. With my income loss in the last year, his job was essential to our family's lifestyle. Yes, he's been vaccinated, so the "rules" are a bit more lenient. Let's be real for a moment though. If he gets Covid (because just as with any vaccine, there are still small chances you can contract the virus), he has to miss work. We've taken the necessary steps to keep him healthy.

Today, I feel slapped in the face. Today I feel that every protection we have taken is gone and that our family, once again, must make sacrifices for others. This was done at 12:30 a.m. in the dark of the night, giving no one time to prepare or properly process:

You may be asking why I feel this way. My kids are homeschooled and I can still require masks to anyone who enters my home/daycare (private business; as far as I know, this new law doesn't affect my business, but that could change, which is a good part of why I feel the way I do). Well, you see, in two weeks, two weeks exactly, I will open my home to all of the kids who are no longer required to wear masks in their schools. I've worked with kids long enough to know that they're all coming from different cess pools. There's a MUCH greater chance of them bringing some of those germs with them to my home (unknowingly or knowingly, but does that really matter?). The three things I've fought so hard for that last year will be compromised. My livelihood is now compromised.

Kids are unvaccinated from Covid. They can spread it, they can get it. They can force 14 day closures upon my business that I DON'T GET PAID FOR. Imagine, if all 15 kids on my daycare roster were to get Covid and I had to close each and every time. I wouldn't be able to open my business all summer long! Masks are one way I can protect my business, my family, not to mention the very kids in my care AND their families. I run my business on good faith and what I would want in a daycare. Can I no longer run my business off the morals and ethics I have the last ten years? Worst off, there's a greater chance of passing it to my husband who would have to miss work. He would either have to use PTO or go unpaid. That vacation you're thinking of taking? My husband may not have that option for an entire year because of my business. I don't even want to think about if we BOTH have to take time off unpaid for an extended period of time.

This announcement just does me in. I'm not a pessimist by any means, but when I see local rights being taken away, I fear my rights as a business owner may be threatened. My own policies may not means anything. Those same policies that are in place to protect my own family and my daycare families. I spent a ridiculous amount of time making decisions and guidelines for my business that this needs more processing time. I feel like that time is coming (too soon) where I'll have to choose between a business I've spent ten years growing, a business that has shaped who I am and brought invaluable people into our lives and the well being of our family. To be completely truthful, this is where I'm at after a year of dealing with guidelines and bull shit.

When we sit in our hotel room this weekend, we'll be having the hard discussions about family, life, money, jobs, marriage, and goals. I wanted nothing more than a carefree weekend visiting one of my best friends and finally meeting her baby. Instead, Iowa is handing me a basket of crap to contemplate.

Changing Out Clothes Each Season

 

Text from my mom group friends yesterday morning: "When is everyone switching out their kid's clothes? Like, is it too soon to put winter stuff away, do I keep some stuff out? What are you doing?? Help me!" 

The question caught me off guard. 'Wait, people do this?' I didn't respond at first. Our house seems to always be in a state of hot mess. There's no way in hell I'm taking the time to sort through each season's clothes for three kids and two adults. Nope, not gonna happen. I keep all of our clothes accessible year round. When a kid comes out of their room wearing pants that are suddenly shorts or a loose t-shirt that's become a  belly shirt, those clothes go in the donate pile and new clothes come out. 

The answers pouring into the group text made me appreciate everyone's differences. Some of them are organized beauties who take the time to go through clothing each season, pick out the clothes that don't fit, and replace them with the current season's fashions. Some even pick out a few pieces from each season to leave in their wardrobes for easy grabbing, just in case July gives us a 60 degree day or March gives us 80's. It's Iowa, so it's really a guessing game with how the weather will be. Two other moms were like me and responded, "who the hell are you people and where do you find the time to do this?" It shouldn't be a surprise that those are two of my closest friends. 

I'm not sure why, but this particular thread got me thinking. Suddenly, I remembered my mom doing this as a kid too and it really bothered me. Why couldn't I have all of my clothes available to me at all times? Is that why I stopped doing it with my own kids and myself? Or is it because storage space isn't an issue in our house? 24 hours later and I'm still thinking about it. Mostly, I'm thinking about how I completely forgot about this practice of organization and how our closets and dressers are organized, or unorganized.

So, are you a goddess (or god) and go through your children's clothes with each changing season? Replacing ones that don't fit and swapping out winter clothes for spring clothes, then summer clothes, then fall clothes? Or, do you leave all clothes out in their dressers/closests/shelves and don't think anything of it when your child emerges from their room wearing fleece pants in the middle of summer? 

In case you didn't know, telling a child they might get hot in fleece Christmas jammies in June or that a tank top isn't the best option for January is common in our house.

Picture of my child most likely to wear off-season clothes. This was taken on an 86 degree day in August 2020. Not pictured: the wool socks on her feet.

When My Style Of Parenting Comes Back At Me

 

A fungi on my flowers that I spent two hours helping to identify. Not my idea of a good time, but the minis were oh-so interested!

My open style of parenting can often come back to bite me in the ass. 

No topic is off limits for my children. They LOVE to learn, understand, and know all the things. They have soooo many questions about anything and everything. It's how I wound up explaining sex to my four year old, why we watched the insurrection at the Capital and spoke openly about our feelings, and it's how my children know about (and respect) every religion and not just one. If they have a question, I do my best to answer it. If I don't know it, I admit it and look it up. I try my hardest not to give my own opinion unless I'm asked for it. All of this takes discipline, but it's really more of a lifestyle that anything. If they want to learn about something, we make the time for it. Lately, I've been encouraging them to look up their own questions and do their own research on topics. For the most part it works out great.

Of course, this has also led to some interesting conversations. Take, for example, a few weeks ago. The two youngest were watching the news and there was a report on former President Trump's second impeachment. 

MM (Middle Mini): Have any other presidents ever been impeached?

Me: Yes.

MM: Which ones? Why? Did they do what Trump did?

Me: You should look this up. Start with looking for a list of which presidents were impeached and then look up why.

I obviously did not think this through because 20 minutes later the youngest mini comes downstairs from the upstairs homeschool room: "Mom, what's a blow job?" That was a fun conversation that led into an in-depth puberty discussion (yet again. We've had so many of those I've lost count).

Last week, we studied WW1 - WW2. My middle child has been greatly concerned by Hitler, how WW2 happened, and the overall events of WW2. As I was kissing them goodnight, he shot up out of bed and asked, "mom, do we still need to be worried about Germany?" We then stayed up an extra hour speaking about current world affairs and where the U.S. stands with other countries. 

Then, there was the fungi we discovered growing on flowers I received for my birthday. I spent nearly two hours helping to identify which category our fungi would fit into and looking at it through the miscroscope. We finally wrapped up our lesson an hour past bedtime. 

They may love learning or be excellent bedtime stallers. No matter what, I'll have some great stories to remind them of someday!

Working Full Time AND Homeschooling

 

[Maxwell Sheaffer, age 12 1/2, working on a painting on a day off from school. Choosing to do schoolwork on a day off is a common scene these days.]

This is not a joke. It can be done. We're doing it. But it's not easy in the least! Wow, is it not easy. This homeschool journey has been unique. Unlike so many others, it's not a path we willingly chose. It's one that we decided on after much debate. After homeschooling the last two and a half months of last school year, I declared that I could NEVER homeschool, run my daycare business, write, and be me. Oddly enough, that's exactly what I'm doing now. 

I'm incredibly lucky because I work at home and my work IS kids. I've had to work on daycare schedules and getting the littles into a routine, but I am now able to homeschool mostly during our daycare day. I am very much aware that this wouldn't be possible without the daycare kids I do have: kids who are older and who have been with me for years. Overall, homeschooling my three minis has been an incredibly positive experience for everyone in our family.

However, as with anything, there's pros and cons to working full time and homeschooling. It's not for everyone and it's not something that we'll continue long term (although, we are planning to homeschool for one more year).

Con: You're exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted from going from work mode to school mode to parent mode. I clearly don't remember or understand seventh grade science the way I once did and our days are long. Really long. My husband wakes up for work at 3 a.m. daily, works a twelve hour day (usually), and then comes home to help with schoolwork, household chores, and cooking. We're in bed, asleep by 10:00 p.m. nearly every night.

Pro: You're re-learning important material and have a greater appreciation for it. At least I do. This week we learned about fungi in science class. Last night, I pulled flowers from a vase and found a fungus growing on them. We studied that fungus for an hour and determined what it would be classified under. Pre-homeschool me wouldn't have done that, let alone known the classifications of fungi.

Pro: You can homeschool at any time. You, and only you, and your children/family determine the schedule and what is being learned. Have a really busy day and can't fit in homeschooling? Great, do it later that day, on the weekend, in the evening. You make it fit your schedule. 

Con: Because we can homeschool at any time, and often do homeschool lessons in the evenings or on the weekend, it can feel like we never get a break. I feel like I'm ALWAYS doing something related to school work or lesson planning. That then runs over into my daycare things, because I often lesson plan both at same time. At the end of the day, I really hadn't had any sort of a break. One or two nights a week, we tend to have a lesson that needs done. One that I wanted to spend extra time on or didn't want any distractions while teaching it (this week, that was WW1 - WW2). My husband and I have to figure out how to end our work days, get dinner on the table, teach the kids, and get everyone into bed at a decent hour, including ourselves. It's a delicate balancing act. One we haven't mastered yet. 

Con: We don't get the advantage of homeschool groups and socialization. Due to our full time work scheudles, we don't get to meet with a homeschool group for a mid-day hike. All "field trips" are taken on the weekends or our days off. It's definitely not the typical homeschool experience that many other homeschool kids receive.

Pro: It's Covid times, so they're aren't many homeschool groups meeting in person. The minis have been able to attend a few online homeschool groups where they take a specialized class once a week. The youngest finished up a five week long creative writing class she took with other kids in her age group. This school year wasn't going to be a typical homeschool year to begin with, so I don't feel like they've missed out on much. Also, because of daycare and virtual learning, my minis have been able to socialize with kids their own ages safely. 

Pro: Going back to schedules, I can do homeschool at any time of the day as my schedule allows due to working from home. This is a pro for me, but I'm well aware not everyone has this option. 

Con: Not everyone has the flexibility to work AND homeschool at the same time during the day. In order to homeschool while working full time, homeschooling families would potentially have to find a caregiver during the day and be okay with having very little extra time on their days off.

Con: Homeschool is an added expense. Pre-pandemic we sent our children to a great public school. It was one where costs were covered, lunches were free, and snacks were provided. Our grocery bills went down significantly during the school year. Not to mention, our children had free access to websites, curriculums, and many other learning resources. When we chose to homeschool, we lost a good amount of that. Our grocery bills are crazy high since the minis are home morning, noon, and night. We've also had to invest in new Chromebooks, laptops, school supplies, and websites for learning. Quickly doing the math, we've spent over $3,000 since April 2020 in supplies for homeschooling alone.

Pro: We chose to homeschool through our school district with their Homeschool Assistance Program. We have access to a teache, who is able to help us, give, and share ideas, makes sure our homeschoolers are "on track," and gives our children grades on their transcripts. Yes, our children will  have transcripts just as if they were in an actual school. We also have access to the same curriculum our district uses and a few others, as well as access to extra learning resources. All at no extra cost to us. We still have added expenses and costs due to homeschooling, but being a part of this program greatly reduces it. For example, I pay to have access to worksheets, lesson plans, and online learning games to a few different learning sites. Through our program, I'm eligable to receive codes to reduce the costs of such sites.

Pro: My children are able to choose what they learn, how they learn, and have excitedly taken the reigns of their own education. This has worked beautifully for my creative, energetic minis. I have kept them "on track" per the curriculum we're using through our school district, but they have much more time to pursue their interests and other avenues of learning. For example: the minis have used every snowfall to learn how to snowboard, the youngest has learned yoga, all three are cooking and baking on a regular basis, the third grader decided she wanted to learn fifth grade social studies along her with brother, and all three are using May as a "choose what you learn month." The chosen topics so far: the Harlem Renaissance, being able to label every country on a world map (without looking at another map), the bombing of Hiroshima, amphibians and reptiles, planting/growing a garden, and poetry.

Con: Is there a con to the pro above? Not really, other than it creates more work and planning for me (the teacher).

Con: There's always going to be those people who have thoughts about how someone chooses to raise their children. There are many negative thoughts about homeschooling, I honestly used to have some, but those can't be turned into cons unless you choose to let them.

Homeschooling has been all the things: wonderful, hard, eye-opening, liberating, easily the greatest endeavor of our lives. As with everything in life, there's pros and cons to it all. I will not be the one to try to convince someone they should homeschool nor will I be the person to speak negatively about homeschooling. I fully realize we are not the typical homeschool family and I also realize there are many families like us, either already homeschooling or who have many questions about it. The working full time thing gets parents and makes them feel like it can't be done. It can. It's hard, but it can be done.

Socializing While Homeschooling In A Pandemic

 

This week, the big kids have turned the basement school room into a Nerf gun battle zone.

I get a lot of questions about homeschooling. The question I seem to get the most, and probably the most judgemental question of them all, is in regards to my children's socialization needs. Before we get into the knitty gritty of our lives, let me set up our daily life for you: I STILL have my daycare business, but it's been more of a 'school at daycare' thing since last March. This means that there's several school age children here during the days that are either doing virtual learning on their computers or are fellow homeschoolers. Those kids come here during the day for socialization and homeschool at night with their parents. All of the kids have recess or free time during the day, which they spend with their friends at daycare.

This leads right into the details of our lives. Because of my in-home daycare, my children are with other school age children five days a week. We "do school" any time during the day and in the evenings. Some days are busier than others, but we've gotten into a decent routine of two busy days at the beginning of the week, fitting in the longer lessons, readings, worksheets, etc. This frees them up to have three days of more freedom. This week, they've chosen to do our science lessons in the evenings, so they can get all of their work done in the mornings. That means they have a few hours in the afternoon to be with their friends, have Zoom calls with school friends they don't get to see, or even play with neighborhood friends (as weather allows). This week, it's been Nerf battles in the basement.

All of their neighbor friends, the ones we allow them to see at least, are also friends from their elementry and middle schools. They've been able to keep those connections throughout the last year, which has helped immensely. Up until December, they were getting together regularly with one or two friends from school and playing outdoors (with masks on). Those playdates have moved to Zoom calls until the weather warms up. 

Is it the same socialization they would have if they were in school as normal? No. Is anyone getting normal socialization right now? No....and if you are, should you be? Am I worried about my children? No, not in the least. We're all going a little crazy being couped up this winter, but I have a feeling things willl start to get MUCH better for all of us as spring comes. However, I fully understand not every homeschooling child/family has this kind of socialization at their finger tips. The fact that my children have been able to keep connections with other children their ages, has helped them navigate all of our transitions in the last year.

My husband and I have been speaking deeply about keeping our children homeschooled for next school year as well. I am aware that their socialization needs will change greatly, especially if the kids they see daily go back to school. Typically, homeschoolers are involved in many group outings and activities. With both my husband and I working full time jobs in addition to homeschooling, it's difficult for us to make it to any of the group activities during the day. It hasn't been an issue this school year because everything is happening virtually. 

How we will juggle homeschooling and their socialization needs in the future is beyond me, but for now, it's not a top concern for me as I feel all of their needs are being met.

*** If you have any questions or curiosities about homeschooling, feel free to send an email or message. I'll happily answer anything that's asked nicely.

Friday Night School

 

Our trusty science book comes in handy for everything.

I know I tend to post a lot about how great homeschooling is because you can do it any time and place. Of course, that comes back to bite me in the butt too. Take for example Friday night. It's Friday night and I'm 36 years old. I like to end the week quietly, usually by relaxing, a hot shower, some time to myself, and a drink or two. 

You know what my kids did to me on this Friday night? The middle one pulled a, "Mom, in fifth grade we have to watch a puberty video and we haven't watched one yet." Guess what happened next? I had to watch 40 minutes of YouTube puberty videos. One for boys and one for girls because god forbid we have them learn what happens to BOTH boys and girls. For the record, my kids watched both as it's required to learning in our house.

40 minutes of learning the very basics of puberty, me spending another 30 minutes answering questions that weren't even touched on in the videos, all while my husband noped out of that conversation. And that's how my Friday night went, "doing school," as my three day. Friday night school.

____________________________________________________________________

For those curious as to what I had them watched, I went with these videos. I realized in posting these videos, there is also a co-ed one, but I have not viewed that:

I feel strongly that kids need better sex education so they are able to better understand themselves and know their bodies. I am VERY liberal when it comes to sex education and do not shy away from those conversations at all. My youngest was four when she first learned about sex because her eight year old brother had heard a few things. I would rather my children hear about things from me, rather than playground misinformation. 

There is soooo much more to sex education than just the basics of sex. It's important to teach about STD's, protection, birth control, how to take care of yourself, orgasims, what to do if you feel there's a problem, etc. We haven't gotten into every area of sex education yet, but I am prepared for that day and the questions that may come with it. I have to approach the subject differently with each of my kids because I have kids who range from embarrassed to wanting to know every little detail to talking freely and loudly about it. 

The 9 Rules of Electronics For Our Children

When we recently purchased new, and unexpected, electronics (I wrote about the struggle and decision here) I knew they had to come with rules. I still want my children to have normal childhood experiences (ie - something out of the eighties where children ran around with friends until dinnertime, without a cell phone attached to them), but there's also a need in our life for these new electronics. Before purchasing the devices, I knew what I wanted right away: NOT another device that could be used to "play games." Hubs and I spent a week doing thorough research on Chromebooks and cell phones (and cell phone plans) before we purchased a Samsung Chromebook and a Samsung S10e.

Both of these devices have been everything we wanted and more (highly recommend both for middle schoolers or high schoolers if you're in the market)! Most of the oldest's school work is done online so we didn't have to worry about storage capacity, but we did go with a higher GB for school work that needs saved. It's lightweight and easy to carry around (when needed). I actually started taking this to meetings with me because it's way less bulky than my laptop. Now the phone. We had no plans of getting the oldest a brand new phone, but Verizon had a buy one, get one deal for S10's. This and the fact that the battery in my S7 wasn't as good as we'd like, we decided to go with a new phone and keep the S7 on hand in case something happens to one of the other new phones (Hubs also recently got a new Google Pixel phone and loves it, but I'm a Samsung fan). The Verizon Kids Plan made the new phone decision easier on us as well. We're able to set restrictions on the phone (from one of our phones) and can track the phone as well.

Now for our rules. All of the electronics in our house comes with rules. These make me feel comfortable in my decision to allow these devices for our children, plus they give the minis much needed limits. Most of these are just for the oldest mini, but of course, when the younger two see big brother enjoying these things, they want to use them too. I'd like to say I'm not overly strict when it comes to devices/screen time, but I know I'm much more strict than some parents and way less strict than others. No matter which category you fall in, or are struggling to find a happy medium, these rules seem to be working for us and the minis.

1. You must ask to turn on the TV and tell a parent what you'd like to watch. Often times if we have the TV on in the evenings, we have the local news on. I don't have set time limits on TV, but if I see one of my children watching TV for hours on end, it goes off for days on end. No TV past 7 p.m. for the minis on school nights because there's chores and reading before bedtime. So you know how strict I am on the "no TV after 7 p.m." it's currently 7:07 p.m. and the oldest and I just turned on Netflix while the younger two are at dance. We'll flip it off when we see them pull into driveway. What no one else knows won't hurt anyone.
2. School work only is done on the computer. The first night the oldest used the Chromebook, he asked if he could look up trivia questions and answers on Google. I allowed that since he asked first.
3. We utilize the night and school modes with the cell phone. This means the phone is essentially in a sleep mode from 8:30 a.m. - 3:15 p.m. and then 8 p.m. - 6 a.m. each day. I LOVE this feature because this ensures he won't use it during school (that is against school rules anyways) and it keeps the nighttime quiet. If someone calls the phone during those hours, the call won't go through and instead informs the caller that there's restrictions on the phone.
4. Because of the restrictions on the phone and the fact that cell phone use is forbidden during school hours, one of our rules is the oldest mini must take a moment at the end of the school day to check any text messages that may have come through when the phone went off of restrictions. This is important because who takes and picks up in our carpool changes and can (and has) change in the middle of the day.
5. The biggest rule is that the new cell phone isn't just the oldest's cell phone to take to school, it's the family/house phone. Since we don't have a landline, this new cell phone has been on our minds for a while. As the minis get older and we leave them home alone on occasion, we wanted them to have a phone to use in those instances.
6. Because of the phone essentially being a "home phone," this means the phone stays at home whenever the oldest isn't at school. It doesn't follow us on our adventures, it doesn't go to the elementary school with the youngest two, and won't be used much outside of middle school, extracurricular activities, and when they're home by themselves.
7. There will be no social media accounts and no "checking out" any social media. Not yet. I can't deal with this yet. One thing at a time.
8. They must ask permission to take pictures with the phone. This is mostly to teach them the importance of asking for other's permission before taking someone's picture and posting it on social media. However, I also stress this importance because of my job (working with kids). Some parents don't want their child's picture taken, much less on a child's cell phone because who knows what could happen with it. I like to think (hope) I'm teaching them about respect in this area by enforcing this rule.
9. The phone and Chromebook come with time restrictions. Unless it's needed, the Chromebook is mostly just used on Wednesday evenings for two hours. This is when the youngest two minis have dance and it's Max and I at home. I use these two hours for writing and Max does all of his math lessons, Spanish vocab, and anything else that needs done for the week. The night and rest modes on the phone helps us with the restrictions, but we quickly realized we needed to control the texting. While the phone can only hold up to 20 numbers (and currently none of their friend's numbers are in the phone), they really enjoy texting grandparents emoji messages. Nothing important, just all emojis. So within two days of getting the new phone, a new rule is they must ask before texting anyone.

I'm sure this list will grow and change as time moves on. I'm sure there's things we're forgetting to be worried about, but for now, these rules are working for us, help keep me sane, and make the new devices pleasurable for all of our family.

Here's To Breaking All My Parenting Rules

Tonight I raise my glass (actually my can of Naturdays because I'm that sophisticated) to doing all the things I said I'd never do as a parent. This is for every ounce of formula my middle child drank because I was too mentally and physically exhausted that I dropped my 'breast is best' thinking. This is for our incredibly amazing public school educated children, who were going to be my private school, uniform wearing babies. This is for bringing my child McDonald's at parent lunch instead of the homemade vegan lunch I had prepared. This is for swearing my children would be in high school before getting their first cell phone as I watch my eleven year old respond to a text (from his grandparents).

Last week I broke my rule of no cell phones, no screens (other than the approved family TV), and more outside time. My oldest sat on his newly purchased Chromebook (because, as it turned out, trying to share my laptop and returning emails wasn't working out) for three hours doing math lessons for the week and looking things up on Google while his new cell phone sat on the table a few feet from him. Every belief, every rule I had, was left behind when I realized life would be easier with these things.

One thing I quickly realized, the most important thing about motherhood actually, is survival. Our goal is to keep our kids alive, ourselves alive, and if we're rally lucky, happy as well. I personally thrive on happiness; mine and my children's.

The first week of middle school (for my oldest) kicked my ass. Not his, mine. As the school year got underway, I realized how big this change was. When we (parents) received class expectations and how we could support our new middle schooler at home, coupled with a few situations it would have been helpful to simply send a text to my child, I made the tough calls. Well, tough calls for me, since I had to let go of what I wanted and face what was needed.

I had wanted my children to grow up in a world without a cell phone attached to them, of handwritten cursive papers, and running around the neighborhood with friends. For the most part, my children have had a good part of these experiences. However, I also realize this is not our world. Heck, my child's math class is done completely online. Those math assignments, the need for use of my laptop (at the same time I needed to be using it), and the comfort I would feel if I were able to get in touch with my oldest, when combined, made me drop some money on these newly needed items.

I created rules for these new items. Some bring me comfort about leaving behind my beliefs and wants for my children and other rules I created are for safety. If I don't think about the insane amount of money I dropped on my children last week (new clothes, toys, money for picture day, a Chromebook, new cell phone -- along with a brand new higher cell phone bill, extracurricular activities) I'm pleased that these simple (yet at the same time complicated) items bring ease into our lives. Survival is a powerful mode. I'll do anything to fight for survival and happiness....even if means second guessing and changing my "never will I ever..." beliefs.

Learning how to use the Chromebook while watching the evening news. It must have been an entertaining news report.

We've Done It All

Okay, so we haven't done it all, but it suddenly feels that way. The minis had MLK Day off from school and I took the day off so we could have a special Mom and Minis Day of Fun. Except, it wasn't really a day of fun. It was more like a Mom Tries To Talk The Minis Into Doing Anything That Involves Getting Out of The House Day. And that's why it feels like we've done it all.

I offered numerous suggestions throughout the weekend and Monday morning:

Coffee date, breakfast at a favorite diner, visiting the Capitol building, the Historical Museum, the Children's Museum, a movie, rollerskating, ice skating, going downtown, Jester Park Nature Center. I listed a good dozen things we could have done and I was met with:

"We've already done that before," or "We've already been there."

And I couldn't argue because we had. We've been to all of those places and have done all of those things.

Rollerskating 2016

Our "get out and do things!" lifestyle has happened due to a combination of reasons: my need to get out of the house since I work from home, us wanting to raise our kids with all kinds of experiences, and our love for our city and all of the awesome things it offers. How could we not want to do those things?? But now I kind of get what my minis are feeling.

We've been to all of those places that are now the "cool" places to take kids. I like to tell myself we helped make them cool years ago. The minis are still too young for a lot of the things the older kids are doing, but they're getting too big for some of the little kids activities. They've traded our Mom & Minis Days Out for time at home.

Rent a movie, order food from GrubHub so we don't even have to leave, play video games or on the Kindle, play board games, and stay in our pajamas half of the day. Don't get me wrong, that's a perfect day at home for me (although mine usually also involves writing or reading a book and laundry, because that never ends), but I can only do that for so long. I love our adventures outside of the house, especially hiking or being outdoors. It's a sad fact that those things are no longer at the top of their lists.

They're attitude towards our Mom & Minis Days Out has me questioning my parenting choices. Did we do too much when they were little that we now have nothing left to experience? Have we really done all (or all that interests us) our city has to offer?  I can only hope this is a phase we're going through and an adventure day won't be like pulling teeth to get them interested.

So, what did we do on Monday?? Well, we were home all day Saturday, a good chunk of the day on Sunday, so by Monday I was really hoping for some rollerskating action or really anything outside of the house! I made suggestion after suggestion and finally bribed them with clothes and candy to go to the mall so I could at least get a few items from our grocery list at Target. The entire "experience" lasted an hour and ended with me hissing at them that they were no longer allowed to speak to each other until we got home (a no touching or looking at each other was also applied in the car) and our favorite Chinese take out for comfort food (again for myself because I freaking deserved it).

It's only mid-week but I'm trying to gear them up for a weekend adventure somewhere. I have a list of things we could be doing and I plan to do them. Because I strongly feel that while we've done a lot, we haven't done it all.

Raising Kids Credit Card Free

My husband and I realized early in our relationship, when I was pregnant with our first yet well before we were married, that we wanted to live our life as debt free as possible. This meant no credit cards, as few loans as we possibly could (we currently only have two: our vehicle and our mortgage), and only having cash. To say it's been easy would be a lie. It took years to save and pay off past debts. We've been living within our means for 10+ years. This is the only life my kids have known. We have made them very aware of how we pay for things and how we can't pay for things if we can't afford it.

There's been very few snags in this lifestyle. That is, until we went to rent a violin for our 10 year old. We went to a recommended music store to rent a violin for the school year. Renting was/is the way to go for the kids who plays piano, is learning guitar (and owns one), and wants to learn saxophone by 8th grade. We decided if he kept playing, we'd purchase one in the future, but for now, renting was a better fit for our needs. 

Imagine our surprise when we were told that a major credit card was needed to rent the instrument. Not a debit card, but a true major credit card. Huh? I was confused, my husband was confused (even after the employee explained the reasoning to us), and the poor employee was even more confused how to handle things without dealing with a credit card. I really stumped the employee when I said if we can't rent the violin because we don't have credit cards, I'll just purchase the instrument outright with cash. This threw a few employees for a loop. Is living without credit cards this unheard of? 

After we got the "issue" taken care of and the violin was in our possession, we had to answer our children's MANY questions about cash, debit cards, and credit cards. Our middle child kept insisting we did have a credit card to use (debit cards) and couldn't understand that if we had the money to just buy it, why couldn't we? There's nothing like trying to explain to your child how "we do things" compared to majority of society.

There's been plenty of explanations about how we do things vs. other people/friends/society (video games, electronics, TV, diet, etc.). However, this was a very confusing topic for our three. It's a big topic to cover regardless and we didn't even scratch the surface. I'd like to share with you pointers on how we spoke with the minis, but honestly, we answered a few basic questions and then changed their focus with questions about what other instruments would be played this school year (we've got drums and ukulele waiting to be played too). 

It's never easy, no matter what the topic is, to explain to children why we're doing things differently than what society tells you is normal. It's very easy to use words and phrases such as "well, the rest of society is wrong about this," but I don't want my children to think of things negatively (this sounds as millennial as one can get). I like to keep conversations positive and tell them all angles of every topic we talk about. I'm fully aware that how I'm raising them may not be how they continue to live their life when they're adults. We can only give them all of the knowledge we possibly can so they can make informed decisions in the future.

So, there you have it. A simple errand to rent an instrument for orchestra turned into a deep conversation about money that turned into mom and dad slyly changing the subject to other instruments that can be played because we didn't want to have the conversation on Sunday Family Funday. Isn't parenting awesome?

Traveling with Small Children

 

That's right, someone who has never raised small children is here today to tell you all about traveling with small children.  Not to play armchair quarterback, but with ten years of traveling under my belt, I feel like I've seen some of what works and what doesn't.  Most of my advice is towards parents of kids under six years old.  I feel like your six year old can keep themselves busy as needed, and keep up with you in a crowded airport, but take this (like all advice) with a grain of salt.

Packing & Planning
Skip the cute roller bag.  I get it - you're flying to see Grandma who got your child the adorable roller bag, but the small bag holds very little and are difficult to access during the flight.  Not only are they a pain when you're on the plane, but you're asking a lot of your kid to drag it behind them in a new, crowded environment when all they want to do is look around.  I've seen kids struggle with these bags, or mom and dad have to snatch the bag quickly because the kid can't keep up more often than I've ever seen them successfully used.  Save the cute roller bag for your next road trip and consider having mom or dad carry a large backpack for your child's carry-on, or a backpack your kid can wear.

Pick the right shoes.  As an adult, I try to wear shoes I can easily remove for the TSA Security Check, but your child under the age of 12 can keep theirs on.  I've seen flustered parents dealing with a child's shoe slipping off in the middle of the very busy airport walk way, and I'm sure you don't want that to be you.  Laces or velcro or whatever, pick shoes your child can walk in comfortably.

Get your kid prepared. Consider what will be new to your child and help the prepare.  Whether it's talking about wearing a seat belt on the plane, talking about what to do if they get separated at the airport, or riding on the train between gates, help prepare your child for their new experiences.

At the Airport
Pack snacks.  Did you know you can pack food in your carry-on?  Airport food is overpriced and lacks variety, so might as well pack cheap snacks your kids like.  Chewy snacks like Fruit Snacks can help your child's ears to pop during the flight too, avoiding tears just after takeoff and before landing.

Board early.  Even before they call for first class, they usually announce families with small children who need additional time can board early, and I see so many parents miss out on this!  Even though your ticket may say Zone 4, get your family ready to spring into action when they call for family boarding.  This gives you a bit extra time to fold up a stroller for gate check and get settled in your seats.

Plan ahead for your layover.  Obviously you don't want to have a 30 minute layover and risk missing your connecting flight, but a long layover can be a great way to let your toddler burn off energy.  Some airports, like Dallas and Minneapolis, have a designated play area for kids.  Chicago's OHare has a Children's museum at the airport, and Chicago and Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson airports have really neat tunnels connecting the terminals.  In Chicago you'll enjoy a little neon light show, and Atlanta has art installations.  The moving sidewalks can be fun for kids and there are usually really wide walkways, but be mindful when a hoard of travelers need to get by quickly.

Find a quiet corner. Often a flight will have an empty gate nearby and it can be a great place for your kid to run, scream, climb on stuff - whatever!  without disrupting other travelers.  This can also be a good spot to picnic a quick lunch, or have your kid lay down for a quick nap.

During the Flights
Plan activities.  I'm sure your kid can keep themselves busy, but being confined to a seat during a flight can be a whole new experience, especially if there's turbulence and the seat belt light is on.  I remember my mom packing playdoh for flights when I was a kid, but also consider sticker books, markers, etc. to keep your kid busy and happy.

Break the screen time rules.  Most parents have limits on how much screen time their kids can enjoy each day/week, but this is the right time to break the rules.  I would recommend not letting your kid play with the tablet or phone until you're seated on the plane.  The FAA now lets you keep electronics on the entire flight, as long as the device is in airplane mode.  This means you'll want to load Netflix videos, games, and apps before you leave home.  Amazon Fire tablets are super affordable, and it would be worth getting one for each kid.

Headphones.  You can probably tune out Elmo, or Dora the Explorer (or anything other than that annoying Caillou kid), but your fellow travelers shouldn't have to.  These Kid's Headphones have maximum volume settings to protect their hearing, AND have a built in splitter so you can plug in a second set and let two children watch the same show, or watch with your kid.  I would suggest having your child use these for a few weeks before the flight so they get used to wearing headphones.

Flyebaby for children under 25 lbs. I first saw the Flyebaby when the mom next to me set it up once we had reached our cruising altitude, and immediately started asking questions.  It's a portable hammock that anchors to the tray table and parent, letting you interact with your baby during the flight.  It can't be used during taxi, takeoff, landing, or major turbulence, but a great way to keep your baby engaged during the flight.

Your kid calls the shots.  I know, I know.  You're a wonderful parent who establishes and enforces boundaries so that your child grows up to be a perfect adult. Just like I tell parents during portrait sessions; this is not the time for parenting, you should absolutely negotiate with the tiny terrorist.  This may sound harsh but after keeping your child safe, parents number one concern should be minimizing the impact to other passengers.  Just like I wouldn't play my movie without headphones so that other passengers have to listen to Step Brothers or Talladaga Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby,  we should try to minimize what other travelers are subjected to.  I know you're probably on vacation, but unlike at a store or mall where I can walk away from your 2 year old who is having a meltdown because he realized his shoes are brown, I (and 50+ other passengers) are held hostage by a child's tantrum.  Your small child's behavior isn't your fault!  But I think a lot of the parents who do their best to fix the situation.  If I could beg of you one thing, give into what your child wants, distract them with more snacks, a new show on the tablet, playdoh, your earrings - whatever!  As long as it isn't going to hurt them or you, it's totally okay to give into their demands.

At the end of the day, kids have a mind of their own and who can say what will and won't work; hopefully these suggestions will be a tool to get you started in the right direction!  What other travel tips do you have?  Leave them in the comments!

Where Is Your Table?

This has been my dining room table for the last three months:

It's actually in the eat-in portion of our kitchen because our formal dining area is used as a playroom at the moment (as it's been for the past five years). Yes, that's a child size table and chairs instead of a full size table and chairs. 'Omg,' you're saying to yourself as you stare at your computer screen. It's cool, I get it. I can also see the look on your face. You're either incredibly put off by something that doesn't effect you, you think I'm insane, or you feel bad that we don't have a bigger house. So let me tell you a story before something comes out of your mouth.

At the beginning of summer I decided I didn't want my full sized dining room table. I had school age kids coming for daycare for the summer and I've been through the fighting over who got to sit where, dropping cups from the waist high table creating a huge splattered mess, or kids falling out of their chairs. I just didn't want to deal with it.  We made a trip to IKEA and purchased a few side tables (they're taller, larger, and quite a bit cheaper than the actual kids tables) and several kids stools. They were then set up where my regular sized tables and chairs once sat.

All summer long the only thing I had to worry about was fighting over what color of stools the kids wanted to sit in. Even that was easily solved by rotating colors. Now let me tell you about family dinners. Typically at family dinners we had a lot of the same issues that I didn't want to deal with at daycare: falling out of chairs, jumping out of the chairs as soon as I gave them permission to leave their seats, playing in their seats. Family dinners had become nothing I looked forward too. We're a family that eats together 6 or 7 nights a week. I at least wanted meal times to be pleasurable.

Our family dinners at the new tables included all of us sitting on kid size stools or all of us sitting on the floor around the tables (the minis refer to it as our Japanese style of eating). After the first few nights of our new eating style, our family dinners became enjoyable again! The kids actually sat still and ate the meal with us. They shared about their days, they could actually reach the center of the table when asked them to pass something. There were no more huge spills and no one fell out of their seats (unless you count that one time I completely missed the little stool I was attempting to sit down on). I actually LIKE eating meals with my kids now. I actually look forward to it at the end of the day. 

I'm not sure if it was the change of pace or coming down to their level, but there's absolutely no fighting about dinner, at dinner, or over how much they have to eat for dinner (or any meal for that matter). Do I expect it to last? Probably not but the peaceful dinners have been nice. Oh so often we're not willing to change things up because of what society says. I realize it's not every day that you walk into a house that doesn't have a full size dining room table and chairs or find someone that has willingly given their's up. However, sometimes change, a different change, is just the right change. Parenthood is largely about survival and these kids size tables and chairs have given me sanity. At least at meal times.

Parenting Choices - Kid Sports

After a great response to our last Parenting Choices post,  Ashlen and I are sharing our differing opinions on signing kids up for sports teams.  Like so many parenting topics, there is a lot of passion when it comes to "what's right" for kids.  Ashlen and I fully embrace the 'you do what's right for you and your family' approach, and simply want to share our opinions and what led us to those opinions. 

Lauren's View:
You wouldn't know by looking at me, but I come from a very athletically involved family.  My parents met when my dad volunteered to coach a woman's fast pitch rec league.  I think it was my mom's refusal to slide so as to not end up with road rash, that sparked the love connection.  Ancient history aside (sorry mom!), we grew up going to my cousins' football and basketball games in their small town, and when I was an appropriate age, I was signed up for soccer.  As the only girl on this 6-year old co-ed team, I quickly figured out that soccer wasn't my sport.  I'm not sure my mom's insistence that I wear tights with little hearts on them under my shorts that cold spring helped much either, but I digress.

I played softball from the ages of 7-13, stopping before entering high school.  I was an average (at best) player, but almost always had fun. My dad was almost always my coach or assistant coach, and in hindsight, I realize that was really his strength as a parent.  He might not have known our bath time routines, nor made dinner like mom "that's not how mom does it..." but he was always generous with his time when it came to sports.  Playing catch every night, encouraging me but not sugar coating his advice.  I can't think of a single game or practice that he missed, setting aside his own activities.  Every practice and game also had my mom and younger sister in the stands, cheering me on.  It was no surprise when my sister started playing at the age of four or five, and her quickly developing skills resulted in her consistently playing above her age range and in competitive traveling teams.  As a 13 year old, she was getting paid to catch for an elite pitcher's private practice.  To this day she plays in four or five rec volleyball leagues, and occasionally softball tournaments; keeping sports as a lifelong exercise activity.

My sister around 6 or 7 years old

My sister crushing it in High School

  

My parents encouraged me to play high school ball, I knew I was in over my head.  I think they may have been a little disappointed, but still showed the same support and enthusiasm when I joined marching band.

As a kid, I can't say I fully realized the benefits from playing sports - specifically team sports.  Here are some of my reason why I think organized team sports benefit kids.

• Team mentality - Team sports teach you that you win as a team and you lose as a team.  One awesome player is not going to carry a team.  Kids need to know that it's okay to lose, that the important part is trying your hardest.  You may not be best friends with every person on the team, just like in the real world.
• Practicing pays off - School and sports both require kids practice to improve.  As a kid, I couldn't always see my math or spelling skills improving real-time, but in sports, my parents were quick to point out anytime my practicing paid off when I hit the ball farther or ran faster.  
• Focus their energy - There are some kids who just have excess energy to burn.  Maybe they are having trouble focusing or sitting still in the classroom?  Maybe they can seem to run without stopping?  A sport (even individual sports like martial arts or gymnastics) can help kids gain focus and burn off extra energy.  I believe it was a Shawn Johnson interview I read where she said nowadays, she might have been diagnosed with ADHD, instead her parents enrolled her in dance and gymnastics to help burn off that energy.  If I had a child facing similar struggles, I'd like to think I'd consider a sport or activity to focus that energy on before seeking or in conjunction with a pharmacological solution.
• Friends for Life - As an adult in my early 30s, I'm still super close with several people I played softball with when I was eight or nine years old.  Seriously!  
• No quitters - Yep, sports can be hard.  So can life.  One rule my parent had was there was no quitting mid-season.  Lost every game so far?  Keep practicing.  It's too hot out?  Keep playing.  We don't quit in the middle of a commitment.  Same with jobs, projects, and activities as adults.

With all these benefits, I totally agree there are many reasons not to sign up kids in sports (expenses, overly competitive parents, spending every weekend at the field, etc.) and fully believe you have to make the right decision for you and your family.

Ashlen's View:
I'm going to start with saying that I completely agree with Lauren's viewpoint. Sports or any organized activity are hugely beneficial for kids of all ages, but they are not for our family at this point and time. I will get to my reasoning in a moment.

Much like Lauren, I played sports when I was younger. When I was a toddler until I was in first grade I took dance lessons. From fourth to eighth grade I played softball and basketball. I wasn't great. I remember several times I shot at the wrong basket during a basketball game because I totally wasn't paying attention (this no longer shocks me or anyone who knows me). But I kept at it because I genuinely enjoyed playing with my teams and staying active. My senior year of high school I took a gym class called Lifetime Sports. In that semester I learned the ins and outs of golf and bowling. When I was 18 I took up running. Through high school, college, and adult years, I have taken interests in football, hockey, and have learned about all types of sports. Yes, I gained valuable lessons from each sport and activity. It was at that point and time that I vowed my kids would grow up learning about every sport. I have maintained that vow, just in a unique way.

Most people go about signing their kids up for clinics and entire seasons in various sports. I have taught my kids what I know. I have bought basketball hoops, hockey nets and sticks, soccer balls and nets, baseballs and gloves, tennis rackets, volleyball nets, and more. Before I spend hundreds of dollars to get them involved in a season of whatever sport, I want to make sure they'll like it and I won't hear 'I don't wanna go!' whenever a practice or a game comes about. They have done a few short sport clinics through various organizations, but haven't done an entire season of any one sport.

Until my kids have chosen a sport or activity they love, I won't push them into it. Here are a few of my reasons why:

• I feel kids, especially younger kids, are so over scheduled and so over booked that they're missing out on important pieces of childhood. I've seen kids learn more freely kicking around a soccer ball in the backyard with friends than they would during any soccer season. Learning how to move their bodies, running, and discovering are a huge part of childhood development that too many kids miss out on when their parents insist on dance lessons, soccer practice, baseball, and art classes all in one season.
• I refuse to be one of those parents who spend their nights and evenings driving their kids all over, going from activity to activity, hitting up drive thru's because there's only a few minutes in between practices and games to get food. While I'm not opposed to a drive thru cheeseburger every now and then, I can't imagine being so busy from sun up to sun down that there's no time to actually enjoy my kids while they're kids. Maybe in the future this will be us, but as I've said in the beginning, this is not the lifestyle I see for us at this time.
• During the school year, I feel their main focus should be school followed by family time. Active family time. Between school and family time, there's not always a lot of extra time. Call me selfish, but I'm not willing to sacrifice important family time, especially during the school year. I do actually do things with my children when they are not in school, we're rarely sitting around bored. Next school year my elementary age kids will begin piano lessons and will also take one sports clinic in either the spring or the fall (it's their choice). The clinics will teach them how to play a sport of their choice, for one hour, one afternoon on the weekend. I feel strongly that this does not cut into any family time and will not impact any school activities or functions that happen during that time and they will still have plenty of free time to play.
• I keep my kids active when they are home with me. On the weekends we explore nature, our state history, parks, etc. During school breaks and during the summer, I keep them more active with activities at home than sometimes their school does. We do theme days, we do field days, we do sports day to learn about all sports, we have races. After 10 hours a day spent running around with a large group of kids (and friends they've been raised with), I can't imagine having them put on a pair of cleats to go play baseball. I strongly feel like they're already getting an advantage that other kids are not: they're learning how to play together, they're learning how to play all different sports (and more), they're able to practice as much as they like, and they're getting plenty of exercise and movement all day long. They're learning all the values sports provide through all of our activities and games we play every day.
• We hold a family interest: hiking. All five of us thoroughly enjoy it and are sure to go hiking nearly every weekend (sometimes more when time allows). As the kids age into it, we plan on joining a hiking club (all members have to be 5+ so only one more until we can join). What the kids learn on hikes and from nature is just as valuable as any sports team can teach him/her. Plus it's memorable family time.

If at any time my kids come to me and inform me they really wanted to play a sport, I wouldn't be opposed to it. I know that as my kids age, they will probably want to be more involved in activities they enjoy than spending time at home or as a family. I'm ok with that as I do feel sports and other activities are very beneficial. I will continue to take the approach however that school must come first, they will only do one sport or activity per season (and seasons can't overlap), and they must still have free time available to do as they please.

Are your kids involved in any sports or activities? What do you think they have taught your kids?