Kids Need Independence And With It Comes The Freedom To Do Stupid Things

My parenting style is like this: a keep a watchful eye and an ear on what the kids do from a distance. I can jump in when needed, but I let them play on their own, come up with games and activities on their own, and listen in on their conversations when they think I'm not. For the most part, I can keep track of big issues or pin point anything I think might become an issue at some point. However, I also know the importance of letting kids have independence and I give it to them freely unless they do something to lose their privileges. 

All summer long the school age kids have been able to play in the backyard by themselves. I have the windows open so I can hear them and I periodically check in to make sure everything happening is appropriate (I mean, to be perfectly honest, at the beginning of the summer we had some issues with random butt flashings, but....well, boys). Imagine my surprise when this took place one seemingly great day:

Child, timidly coming inside: Um, Ash.
Me: Yes?
Child: Can we set the red chair on the deck? And can you wash it?
Me: Sure...why?
Child: Because it has pee on it.
Me: What??
Child #2: Elizabeth peed on it.
Me: What???

At this point I quickly walked outside to see the kids nicely playing. I call them over to me.

Me: Elizabeth, did you pee on the chair.
Elizabeth: Not on purpose!
Me: But you did pee on the chair?
Child: Not on purpose. She peed in the grass but needed the chair so she didn't fall over. 
Child #2: Yeah, some just got on the seat a little bit because how she was leaning on it.
Me: shakes my head as I hose off the chair and set it aside to dry in the sun.
Child #3: Do you need the leaf too?
Me: Huh?
Child #4: She wiped with a pile of leaves.
Child #5: Do we need to clean those off too? Because we don't know where they went.

At this point I'm thinking "how did I miss her peeing in the yard? And why are the kids so nonchalant about this?!!??" Later that evening I pulled Elizabeth aside and asked for further detail about peeing in the yard. A summary of this conversation:

She didn't want to come in to pee so she went in the yard. She used the chair to squat so she wouldn't get pee on her, but misjudged and was sitting too much on the chair. That's how the pee ended up on the chair. She used a nearby leaf on a bush to wipe with. Then she threw the leaf, came in and changed her underwear because she misjudged more than just her squat, and went back outside to play. Also, the leaves were not poison ivy "so that's good."

I honestly didn't know what to say, but I did do a FYI to all parents just in case someone decided to share the story of Elizabeth peeing in front of everyone in the yard. I instantly felt like I wasn't watching the kids, my kids, close enough. That's my job to notice things and this went completely over my head! I kind of shook it off and went to bed, noting that kids do stupid crap all of the time. It happens.

Then the next day as I was informing a parent of the yard peeing incident, another kid piped up:

"She's been peeing in the yard all summer. This was the first time she got it on the chair....and wiped with a leaf. She hasn't done that before."

Wait. What. The. Hell.

She's been peeing in the yard ALL SUMMER and upon further questioning, some of these pee incidents have happened when I have been outside doing activities with the kids. In other words, she did it right in front of me (and two daycare assistants) and I didn't pick up on it! It wasn't until pee got on their favorite red chair that I was clued in to what was going on. 

If I want to be gentle on myself, parents miss things all of the time. I remember some of the stupid crap I pulled as a kid. Isn't it like a childhood rite of passage to do said stupid things during their moments of independence?? What I'm really thinking is HOW IN THE HELL DID I NOT SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS? What else are they doing that I'm missing??

This happened last week and I'm still *face palming* about it. I know it's only peeing in the yard, but a part of me is left wonder, what's coming next?

Summer Week 7

July 9 - 13


Sometimes ten hours a day doesn't seem like enough time to do everything that I have planned for the kids. Mostly because they find something else to occupy their days that is more creative and more involved than I could ever come up with. For example, Bubbles in the Backyard turned into "there's a rain storm of bubbles and we need to build a tornado shelter using every single backyard toy and put them under the play system." Building their shelter took up all of their morning, while the actual taking shelter from the tornado part of their play took all of ten minutes. That's usually how those things go. Lego's in the living room kept a lot of the school aged kids busy all week long and the surprise hit for the week was the Oregon Trail card game.

Here's some other highlights from our week:

Bubbles in the Backyard featured soooo many bubbles, plus a giant kiddie pool with homemade bubbles.

Cousins, card games, and dinner one evening. We went from a house full of kids, to more kids.

The kids became cowboys and lassoed their stick horses as we learned about Oklahoma. I had planned to do a tornado pop bottle experiment with them, but this one was so much fun! I'm glad I forgot to buy pop bottles.

Hot dogs and football for Ohio.

The kids: "We're really into bars this summer."
Me: "Please be careful how you phrase that."

Let me clarify: they really like toppings for things this summer. We've done a waffle bar, potato bar, taco bar, and a burger bar. Their favorite toppings for everything are black beans, salsa, and pickled jalapenos. 

The Oregon Trail card game was a surprise hit with all of the kids. I wasn't sure if they would be able to play it or understand it. They all agreed it was hard, but we tweaked a few of the rules and they all (ages 5-10) played successfully.

An American Girl catalog came in the mail. As a couple of the girls were flipping through it, this fell out. The two girls immediately became giddy because they thought they had won a ticket to see "the real American Girl dolls! Oh my goodness!" I had to compose myself before I broke the news to them that's not what that is at all.

One afternoon, after a hard day of running through the backyard, I realized it was really, really quiet in the living room. I went to make sure what they weren't watching anything inappropriate and found all sets of siblings snuggled together in different places. I thought it was adorable and of course, as soon as I took pictures, they all stopped because, well, someone noticed.

After a meltdown in the bathroom over a shirt, this one lost her first tooth. Read the full story here.

Lego's in the Living Room is now a thing. My "kid free" area was overtaken with children building TONS of things.

We did a Circus Day (similar to this) for Rhode Island. The girls' favorite part of the circus was doing gymnastics and the trapeze bar. This kept them busy all day long.

Sea animals in one kiddie pool and doll washing in the other. Then it became a spa.

Hershey's chocolate for Hershey, PA. Everyone REALLY enjoyed Pennsylvania!

Two boys worked one morning to make a candy machine. The issue was that I didn't have any candy to give them to put in it, so I had them chop up pretzels instead. They did it....and then thought I was torturing them all day long simply because I didn't have any candy. I now have a bag of M & M's in my cupboard I have just in case the kids happen to build something again that requires candy!

Four girls were playing, setting a table, and "cooking" food. They were getting along really well, so I wasn't paying close attention to what exactly they were playing. I lose count of how many times a day several kids play "kitchen" or "house," so as long as I don't hear/see fighting, it's just like any other activity to me. That was until I saw them sit down at the table with their cooked food, grab hands, and tell each other they were thankful for their friends. It was only then that I noticed they were playing Thanksgiving. So much better than just regular "kitchen!"

Our sweet tea (that HAD to be drank out of our tea cups even though it was cold sweet tea) for South Carolina and the National Park Matching Game for South Dakota.

The biggest theme for summer has been friendship. The kids view daycare as one big playdate all day every day. I wouldn't have it any other way!